Are you tired of chronic complaining and feeling trapped in a victim mentality?

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim.  Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it.  All else is madness.”  ~ Eckhart Tolle

The Problem with Complaining

Here are the reasons why complaining keeps you stuck:

  • Complaining keeps you in the same thinking and reinforces yourself as a victim. 
  • And, it is draining.  
  • It never solves problems.  
  • Also, it takes energy from today.  

Complaining is staying with and accepting what you don’t want.

What do victims do?  They often create more situations to be victimized.  It becomes a pattern and way of life.

However, complaining isn’t pretending anything is wrong or you don’t have challenges;  it’s about moving from being a victim to a creator.

“The more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about.” ~ Zig Ziglar

How and Why to Stop Complaining (podcast)

Why you want to live a complaint-free life:

  • To feel empowered
  • To experience more joy
  • To create what you want
  • To expand and grow yourself
  • To move forward

Common areas where you complain:

  • About other people
  • The environment (the weather, home, or a place)
  • Yourself 
  • Economy
  • Money
  • Job
  • Health

Most importantly, the benefit of becoming complaint-free is that it reinforces awareness of what you think and speak.

You have three choices about your complaint:

  • Accept where you are and what you’re complaining about.
  • Leave it.
  • Change it.

Strong negative emotions come from thoughts you think and speak.

One strong indication you’re complaining is how you’re feeling.  The thoughts that are easier to catch are the ones that are out loud because you can hear yourself saying them.

Usually, it’s easier to notice when someone else is complaining.  Have you ever noticed how you feel after you’ve spent time with someone who complains a lot?  You feel low energy.  You feel worse after being with them.

If you are complaining to yourself, notice how off you are feeling:  

  • You have a constant reel of negative thoughts about how you’re not good enough.
  • And, you said something stupid.
  • Also, you can’t figure something out, your body is ugly, and why can’t you make decisions?

Essentially, you’re staying where you are unacceptable and unwilling to change it.

How to break the complaining habit.

Step 1: Awareness of your complaints and their impact on your life:  Notice how much you complain.  Notice how you’re thinking and notice how you’re feeling.

How to Stop Self-Sabotage (YouTube)

Step 2: Practice turning each complaint around with the word ‘and’: Find a solution or gratitude in the complaint.

Let me give you an example:  You wake up and it’s raining.  You tell your partner, “Oh darn, it’s raining again.”  Notice how that feels bad because we can’t do anything about the rain.  We have no control over it.  After you notice you’re complaining, “Oh darn, it’s raining again.” 

  • ‘and’ the rain is watering all of the plants in our yard. 
  • ‘and’ we can turn the water off.  
  • ‘and’ the flowers are happy. 
  • ‘and’ this will help with the water shortage. 

Essentially, what you’re doing is shifting into gratitude.  Afterward, notice how much better you feel when you find what you’re grateful for from your complaint.

How to Feel Better (YouTube)

Over the years, I’ve discovered the many things I’ve complained about I’m grateful for.  

  • Cleaning the house – I have a house to clean.
  • My partner is messy – I have a loving partner.
  • My child is late.  I have a healthy and loving child.
  • I’m working a long day at my office.  I have a job I love.

Step 3: Look for a solution

For example, say you’re at a restaurant, and your food is delivered to your table cold.  Rather than complain about it and say the restaurant is terrible.  Speak up and ask for hot food.

Or, you’re struggling with your health and complaining about it.   ‘And’ here’s what I’m doing about it.  I’m going to bed earlier, eating healthier, having labs drawn, staying at home and caring for myself until I’m well.

Or, you don’t like your job.  Then, you BLOOM where you are planted. 

  • Pack a lunch and have a picnic in the park. 
  • Where clothing you love to be in. 
  • Brighten your day with flowers. 
  • Do something nice for someone in the office by bringing in coffee or snacks. 
  • Step outside and take walks.
  • Take golf lessons during my lunch break. 
  • Drop into a yoga class on your way home from work.

As you brighten your day, you’ll notice shifts in how you feel about your job.  

Reflect on situations or people that tend to trigger your complaints.

Step 1:  Identify your complaint triggers

Name at least five situations or people that trigger your complaints.

Step 2:  Track your complaints

  • Have a complaint jar.  Every time you or someone in your family complains drop a dollar in the jar.
  • Wear a band on one wrist, snap it, and switch it to the other side.

Step 3:  Identify your common complaints

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What are your top three to five complaints?
  • How does the complaint make you feel?
  • What do you do when you feel this way?  How do you change the situation?
  • Do you benefit from the complaint?
  • What is this complaint costing you?
  • Can you find gratitude in the complaint?

Now, the good news. 

When you practice living a complaint-free life you rewire your brain.  You can live into possibilities and solutions and attract more of what you want.  

Complaint-free living is a joyful life.  You’re a joy to be around, supporting yourself and having her own back.

More Resources:

Come check out, More You, my community of like-minded women.  We show up to create the highest versions of ourselves and elevate the quality of our every day along the way.

And, if you haven’t grabbed your copy of the Mindset Makeover, head over to and get a copy that teaches and inspires you how to show up as your most extraordinary self.

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